Healthy mind

I’m dismissive of my issues, but I got them.
I’m so far and I won’t bother him or her about it because they already got enough but damn I needed someone to slap me out of this.

You're helpful but not a solution, I can't just run to you day and night I gotta keep my mind bright. 

Feel like I’m about to burst, there’s only so much one can handle and maybe doing all means an unhealthy mind. I need a healthy mind.

I need to vent, maybe some time to lose this tension, is just so much responsibility and questions and I can’t be everywhere.

 I’m just missing you so much, thought that would help me and turns out I lost my favorite outlet. 

...

Moments like this just make me over think too much, I need to stop that bad habit.

There's no underlying truth, I'm not Plato or Socrates to keep on searching for this reality outside of the one that is being thrown in my face. 

Just accept it and let it go. 

But still, why? Are this signs? What are this?

Huyendo

Perdón si al expresar mis sentimientos le pareció que quería ser la reina del drama.

Perdón si lo hice mal al terminar todo, es que no soporto ser esa persona a quien no reconozco, insegura y siempre intentando asegurarse sin respuestas.

Perdón se tuve que huir de mis propios pensamientos, mismo con todos los intentos de pedir su ayuda para arreglarlos.

Sepa que nos es drama, es que ya me deje quedar con la duda anteriormente y resulto en malos sentimientos que nunca quise tener hacia ti.

Yo tuve que hacer el cierto para mí, mi dijiste también que estaba cierta y en este momento perdí todas mis esperanzas en continuar peleando por los dos ya que estaba sola en la lucha.

Registro (2007)

A Minha Saudade

Não sei o que será

Será que meu mundo vai mudar?

Eu vou para longe daqui

Não queria que fosse assim,

mas se e melhor principalmente para mim,

Para que discutir

Não vou tentar argumentar os motivos

Nem vou me esforçar

Talvez passe rápido

Mas aposto que vai demorar para passar

E consequentemente a saudade vai apertar

Apertar forte para machucar

Eu so quero fazer um pedido

Se eu não te ver mais,

Se eu não voltar mais aqui,

Voce promete para mim

Promete que vai sempre sorrir?

Não importa o que aconteça

Não importa aonde eu esteja

Quero pensar em voce feliz

E saber, no fundo do meu ser

Que voce esta assim, como eu sempre quis.

Não quero te perder em uma viagem

Nem te esquecer como uma miragem

Quero simplesmente que voce seja

Minha respiração, meus olhos, meus ouvidos

Minha verdade e minha eterna saudade.

Thoughts

It’s been over a year, so many things happened and none of them seemed to spark a wish of expressing myself until you came around.  I have dealt with a player when I was probably in the same place, playing. I have been through a past due relationship reconciliation and the obvious break up. It was no longer love it was a wish of having someone or anyone.  And right after that moment, when I felt I was free and released of a 3 year curse, you showed up. It was unexpected and not at first sight, it was supposed to be just a kiss in one particular night. You kept pressing and I kept falling. I never had someone so sweet and I have definitely never been this sweet. You see, when I think of myself I picture a woman who closes up and has a hard time in believing anything or anyone; a woman so rational that I can be seen as rude sometimes; a woman so cold to certain “girly” stereotyped emotions that I cannot understand how other women can entertain themselves with so much drama. I have seen through the truth and ignored my emotional side all along, but you did something I cannot explain. You made me open up and believe in everything you said blindly. I have supported the distance and not a part of me got bored. I was in the route to believe this was it, that cliché of when you let go life rewards you with what you always wanted. I had the impression this was one of those crazy stories that could only happen in fiction, but it happened to me. It was the interests, the similarities, the care, the honesty, how you can look into my eyes and make my soul feel naked, how a word, a smile, and your presence could make my heart warm and make me feel so happy. It’s not a passionate connection of those you feel like ripping off the other’s clothes. It’s a warm, inviting and calm breeze that just feels you in and makes you wish it will never end. I cannot think of how I would be mistaken or played like a fool that way, it seems so clear and it is all I see. So why can no one else believe this can go right? I cannot decide if these are only bad vibes trying to influence my mind or if I’m the only blind.